So instead I'll blog about it! I had a discussion with a mutual friend a while ago about the whole falling out bit and she said to me "That guy? OMG he has NO soul, like seriously have you looked into his eyes? They're dead". Now this was quite an eye opener. The last while, this is exactly who my friend has been, soulless. No depth, no feeling, none of all the amazing things I've been shown for the past year. Kind of a Jekyll & Hyde thing. How sad is it not, that THAT is how you project yourself to the world. I mentioned this to another mutual friend and they also agreed. Isn't it strange that someone can have these 2 complete polar sides to themselves? One side, giving, caring, sweet, loving, amazing, kind....everything good you can say about someone. And the other described at soulless? I find it heartbreaking. It is true though and you can see it in the eyes. Why though? Some form of defence? Shit you're getting too close, bam, walls up!
It is so strange to experience! For me it's kind of a big deal, when I love, be it platonic or romantic, I truly love. I don't see the point of holding back, of playing games, of not speaking my mind. People always know where they stand with me. I'll tell you straight when you're being an asshole but I'll also be the one standing in your corner cheering you on every step of the way. Maybe it has to do with being an empath or freaking indigo. Who knows, the crazy dreams, deja vu and spot on intuition is enough to scare the living crap out of most. But here I am trying to figure out, fix, help, guide and love. Someone once said to me "You'll continue to feel out of whack unless you start living your life according to who you are! Who are you Lili? What makes you, you?" That got me thinking, and today I can honestly say love makes me me. It's the driving force behind everything, it's the emotion I feel the most, it's the thing I want to give most. Like one of those Meme's "Just let me love you!!!!" Hehehe this is quite apparent if you look at my diverse range of friends. They would never hang out if it wasn't for me and the only time they all get together is for my birthday. That's 20 odd people, say more or less 4 groups of 5. Then you look at them and their friends and they're all just one little group. To say I'm blessed to have so many amazing people in my life is an understatement, they're all amazing!
So it really hurts to lose someone you care about so much. I can only hope that he will find his light and live it. It must suck going through life not giving a damn about anyone and only caring about things. The house, the car, the travels, the expensive clothes. We all know that yes it's nice to have but none of that will fulfil you. It's not really what you do hey, it's who you do it with.
I will however keep on defending the real him, the me he showed and proved himself to be albeit only to me. And will continue to say "This isn't you..." For you might not believe in yourself, but I do. What I see is never wrong and I saw the beauty of your soul.
